Nerd Numbers and Athlete Speak: The Problem with Sports’ Talking Heads

     Recently, there’s been a little back and forth going on between athletes and sportswriters. Shaq took shots at writers/analysts who don’t have the “extensive resume, only 1000 points, no rings, no all-stars”…then, named Skip Bayless specifically. (Who, by the way, has no points, no rings, never played) In responce to Merril Hodge critique/opinion/bashing of Tim Tebow, Lebron said “Guys get on that TV and act like they was all WORLD when they played”. Really, this battle is nothing new, it’s just gotten a little more run recently. Athletes feel like analysts who didn’t do it big on the field/court don’t have a place commenting on the sport, analysts feel it’s their job to comment on the sport, and they have “expert” analysis based on their extensive studying of the game. Well, truthfully, at times, I feel they both need to shut the fuck up. 

     I’ve never been huge into watching baseball. I played baseball and softball as a kid. My baseball team rarely ever played games, and when I was removed from being pitcher, I quit. Soon after I quit my baseball team, my softball team (I played both at the same time) switched me from pitcher to center fielder. If it wasn’t for Ken Griffey Jr., I probably would have quit that team too. All of that is beside the point though. While I enjoyed playing the game, watching it isn’t as fun…it’s too damn slow. While football is also a slow game, when it’s moving, it’s moving, and the action is more intense. Baseball announcers don’t make it any better. Most lack personality, and baseball has too many damn stats. Is it just me, or does every player in the MLB lead their league in some asinine stat? I was fine when bullshit stats dominated sports I couldn’t give half a shit about…but slowly but surely, they’ve crept into some of my favorites.

     Football has had the QB rating for awhile, so long in fact, ESPN has devised a new QB rating! Like it mattered anyway. For times sake, I won’t go in on the original, but let me explain exactly how bullshit this “total quarterback rating” is. Per their chart of 2008-2010, Chad Pennington’s 2008 season with the Miami Dolphisn ranks #7. In 2008, Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints led the league in passing yards with 5069, and tied for the league lead in touchdown passes with Phillip Rivers throwing for 34. Where did Drew Brees 2008 year rank? 30! The Super Bowl for that season was a battle between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals. Their quarterbacks, Ben Rothlisberger and Kurt Warner ranked 66 and 19 respectively . The only people to rank above Chad in 2008 were Matt Ryan in spot 6, and Peyton Manning, whose 2008 season was holds down the #2 spot, behind only Petyon Manning in 2009. While Peyton Manning’s stats place him in the top 5 twice, Tom Brady’s stats place him in the top 25 once, appearing less times than Eli Manning in the top 25, whose stats land him there twice. How convenient ESPN starts keep track off this stat after Tom Brady’s record setting 2007 season.

Meanwhile, basketball also has it’s fair share off bullshit statistics, led by “Hollinger’s player efficiency rating” or PER as it’s often called.  To analyze PER, you need look no further than the top 25. According to Hollinger’s PER rating, , the New York Knicks have two players ranked in the top 25, with Amare and Carmelo ranked 12 and 16 respectively. After seriously watching Melo play last year with NY, Melo and the word efficiency go together like Kanye West and the word humble. The Lakers have three players in the top 25 with Kobe, Gasol, and Andrew Bynum, the Knicks have the aforementioned two, The Hornets have two with CP3 and David West. The NBA champion Dallas Mavericks? They have one, with Dirk Nowitzki placing in at #10…which is two places behind Russel Westbrook. As much of a Lakers fan as I am, I have to admit, those Mavericks were pretty damn efficient last year.

     If you give me a stat that says Chad Pennington had a better year than Tom Brady…your stat is bullshit, and can never be trusted. If you give me a stat that says Kevin Love is more important than Kobe Bryant…you stat is bullshit. Numbers do lie, and any stat that says something opposite the obvious can’t be trusted. If these are the type of numbers sports nerds bring up to prove their points,I can related to Shaq’s point. The only thing is, athletes are no better at discussing the game. 

Anybody that knows me, knows I”m a huge fan of the Lakers. I’m an LA cat…I can’t help it. All that winning makes it pretty easy too. While Kobe is doing his thing now, my favorite Lakers player is Earvin “Magic” Johnson, and I’ll argue with you he’s the best basketball player ever (and my argument will be better than yours). While Magic’s skills on the court can’t be questioned, he has the mic skills of a young Soulja Boy (neither has gotten any better with time…). With Magic copping up retail business and having the love of LA, as a kid I thought he’d eventually become a politician, until my Dad burst my bubble by pointing out Magic’s lack of speech skills. I haven’t been able to ignore it ever since. It shouldn’t really be surprising, athlete’s aren’t the brightest. Just because someone has played the game, doesn’t meant they can explain it. Look at all the great ballers who attempted to coach. Magic Johnson, Mike Singletary…Isiah Thomas? Look at all the great players who attempted to be executives…no, fuck thinking about all of them…Micheal Jordan. As coaches and executives, great athletes can’t understand the other players don’t have the ability they did. The problem athletes have with talking about sports isn’t the sports part, it’s the talking part. They want to say something that stands out. They’re competing with college graduates…who actually attended the classes. Scottie Pippen is prime example of what I’m talking about. In the last NBA play-offs Lebron was balling his ass off (Pre-finals). With all the pressure of being apart of the new “Big 3″ after taking his talents to South Beach, the kid was going for that ring. After the Heat eliminated the regular season’s top team, the Chicago Bulls, Scottie Pippen, former Bull, NBA great, and Robin to Jordan’s Batman went on to say that “Jordan may be the best scorer ever, but I may go as far as to say Lebron is the greatest player to ever play the game” While everyone was up in arms…I understood. See, you have to understand, Scottie Pippen isn’t the brightest. He wanted to say something, he needed some point of reference for the way Lebron was playing. What’s the greatest point of reference in basketball? Michael Jordan.  He didn’t actually mean that, he just wanted to say Lebron was balling. That’s the problem with athletes talking sports…they often overstate things in an attempt to get a point across. While I consider it bad,  apparently TNT thinks it’s a good thing, they let Charles Barkley do it every night.